` THE RALLY `
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
today, 2pm in the afternoon, and my blood is still boiling over last nite incident, it started with 2 cute lovely dogs, in the past i had a dog, my mother said i bought it to spite her, all along, i like pets, although costly, i gave some of my allowance to their funding when i was young, i remember trying to ask for a bit of money to bring the dog to see the doctor, which my mum said no, she hated pets and dogs, for what reason she never said, i end up borrowing 80+ bucks from a schoolmate just to get my dog to a vet.
Now, my brother bought 2 dogs, and gave 1 to me and my wife for a wedding gift, we name ours sushi, while my bro named his emo, we couldn't come up with a name so we named it opposite of its breed, and emo bcuz the dog looked really emo. my mum flipped again saying that my brother did it to spite her, my brother on the other hand, was like totally in for dogs like babies wanting toys. he called me to fetch him at some u-lu road, lorong something, and had no idea where, when i arrived, i saw 2 dogs..... half of me was happy, the other half took the better of me and i screamed cuz i know "go back to the house sure die"..... true enuff, mum said it was to spite her.... with no relevant reason or story behind..... haiz... then i ask why, she said she was allergic to dog pee and shit. i checked with a doctor, no such allergy has been found till date. i googled. same story, nothing...... the only thing i could find was dog fur could affect. but she said to me it wasnt fur. it was pee and shit. psychological? i dunno. so the dogs were kept at a corner of the house, which was in between the toilet, kitchen, maids room and backyard. mum made more noise, went out at like 2 am in the morning to buy a cage to put them in the backyard as neighbour cat has scratch my old dog. and oh by the way, when i had my old dog, he was given away without me knowing when i was in sch. the reason being.... i did not take care and bring it out for a walk. WHY! it was during that period when i tore my knee ligament and i couldnt move about that much, suffering in pain and in silence, cuz if i were to even seek help from my parents, more scolding. i dint have any money to see a specialist. i just kept quiet, at that time, i don't know i tore my ligament, but i knew it was bad. i only got it diagnosed when i was in the army, which an operation was needed, i refused. i decided to pray instead of going for an op. till date, there is some pain but sometimes its ok. depending on how much i walk/exert. who can i talk to about all these? no one. My mother always say the same sentence. she doesnt want to talk to me cuz she thinks i am dumb, immature, etc etc.... and i am a kid.....
ok, back to where i was, the dogs were kept in the back yard. Sushi fell sick, dog cough, checked with a doctor and a vet, it is not spreadable to humans. my bro and i made a partition in the cage for them, but after a week of medication, the vet advise that we should seperate them till they are ok. now, the house rule was no dogs in the house, so where else to put? really, am at wits end. i would love to have my dog in my room, but i cant cuz i am an asthmatic, so last option was my brother's room. my mum found out, flipped..... screamed etc etc. then she kept quiet, suddenly last night, when i came back from nite class, i open my car door and heard ppl screaming. my brother was getting screwed. not realli sure what happen. fed the dogs and went to bath. after my bath, i needed to come down to my brother's room to get paper for my wife to print her assignment as the dead line was today. well well.... i came down, she came out, just nice, and started screaming, like a round 2 session, round 1 did not satisfy her. MASSIVE ASSUMPTIONS AND ACCUSATIONS WERE HURLED AT MY BROTHER WHILE I WAS TAKING THE PAPERS, AND AS I WAS LEAVING, IT STARTED TO TURN TOWARDS ME. suddenly it became, the 3rd floor was smelly and 2nd floor etc. NO PETS IN THE HOUSE! and shot me. words were exchange with my brother asking her what are u trying to say, cuz everything she's saying and hurling towards me was contridicting, i said, i think you are confused, and my mother took the clothes basket and hurled it at me. i am so glad that my wife did not have to see this as she was bathing. later, it lead to me returning the basket and she kicking it down. my brother too blew up. since prob november,dec 2008, all these pressure started. as usual, she would complain to my father behind our backs, and my father would sms and call and talk to me about my brother. Me, who is being sandwhich, can only talk to my bro, telling him what to and not to do. my mother is one lonely individual whom is yearning for attention. ever since i was attached , she got jealous and made tons of sarcastic remarks hurting my then gf. quietly, indirectly shooting her down. Now that we are married, she has no consideration for anyone's health. screaming everyday. last nite i was blame for banging the door.... i ask when, she said everytime, but no!. i ask my wife, my brother when the fuck did i ever bang doors,???? everyday i see her banging the door and i even commented b4, "wah lau, so noisy" i hate the sound of banging doors... nevermind, as usual accused. in one previous argument i had with my mum, and even talked to a counselor, the response was, your mum wants attention. i went home and ask her, she refuse to say anything. few arguments later, she finally said, i spent and wasted all my years taking care of you 2 idiots, now i ask you to listen, u all don listen. listen what? WHAT WHAT WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!! what did u say but we did not listen? so my mum feels rejected, cuz her 2 sons are growing up and having their own life. So what happens next? my mum just nags and accuse my father for not being a good father. When a man is done from a days work, i don't think he should be burden by nagging. her choice of words are always mean, and directly hitting people and driving people up the wall. My father had to tell me because of u 2 sons, not listening to your mum, its killing him, stress from work, wife kids. So fine. every time my dad talks, his words hurts. he does it unknowingly. always compared, lincoln was more problematic, dont want leon to follow your foot steps so need to talk and advice him. EVERY SINGLE TIME I GET A FEED BACK SESSION FROM MY FATHER, I PITY 3 PEOPLE, MY FATHER WHO IS UNDER ALOT OF PRESSURE, MY BROTHER WHOM I AM GIVING PRESSURE TO( BECAUSE ITS A CYCLE, MY MUM ORDERS HIM TO SLEEP, HE CANT OR DID NOT, IT GOES TO DAD, AND DAD WILL TALK TO ME AND IN TURN I TALK TO MY BROTHER, SO WHERE THE HELL IS MY BROTHER GOING TO VENT?
this cannot that cannot, suddenly "house rules" came about, what the hell is the house rules? listen what ??? what what waht!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! listen what>????????? so for the past 2-3 months, new orders and house rules all start coming up, and i keep helping my brother to comply to some really "cool" house rules..... till the point where he told me, lincoln, imagine ur life like that, the only thing i can say in return was, i went through the same phrase , maybe worse with alot of physical hurt. i got to know god when i was really young, a fren told me , jesus loves u, and when u pray u believe, it will work. so i stupidly pray, please heal the pain on my body as there is more to come, dumb me, i should have prayed heal my mother. now, for a year++ i have been praying, but god has not come and help. i am getting dishearten. no matter how many prayers i said a day, things don change at home. my mother needs attention. so in order to get attention, she finds something to pluck us kids, and just to get more attention, then it goes on, more craving to be noticed, complains were filed to my father, in turn, killing us all. guess what? sleeping at 5am everyday and having 3 hours of slp is bad? NO! its not as bad as the amount of pressure that has been put on the 3 men at home. my dad said to me when i was young, saving a life is better then building a 7 story pagoda. so animals are not a life? now my mother is taking down 3 men, and maybe soon another 2 other lives ... everday after work, i come home, and my wife is so stressed and sad that she have to see her husband keeping quiet coming into the room and under so much pressure and throwing temper behind closed doors. my mother challenged us kids to earn as much as dad before we can have a say. my brother is 17, a teen, i am married, yet we are not given a small bit of respect and have to stand there and shut up and lun and lun and lun my mum's erratic emotions. yesterday, it was really boiling point..... TONS OF ASSUMTIONS THAT CAME FROM THAT BRAIN OF MY MOTHERS AND TONS OF ACCUSATIONS OF " OH U DID IT TO SPITE ME AND CHALLENGE ME" OR " WE CHALLENGE WHO GETS KICK OUT OF THE HOUSE 1ST, I WILL STAY AND WIN" ... IT WAS LIKE WTF WTF WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! none of these has crossed my brother's and my head.... its impossible man..... i dunno what to do already. My mum always talks about health, sleep early eat healthy..... but u know what? i think i almost died not due to food intake or sleep. i couldnt sleep peacefully, grumpy while sleeping after the whole arguement. wife was pissed cuz i was bleeding when i say i will be able to lun and keep quiet at home. she felt hurt that i was bleeding, she felt angry at herself cuz she as a witness(semi witness) cuz she could hear from the room and saw the aftermath , she was angry cuz she dont and cant do anything to help the situation. i don blame her. really. last night i was so so so pissed. it reach the stage of , " lets play with life" but for the sake of my brother and my wife, i had to cool off. really. last nite was turning point. i got up this morning after 5hrs of slp to work and couldnt breathe. i then remembered my mum was quarrelling with me non stop over my gf last time where i almost collapsed at west coast mac over the phone. pretty insane yeah? i had no idea why and the doctor said it was asthma and stress could have triggered it. so , yes, pls tell me sleeping less a day compared to getting getting a stress related asthma attack? all i can do is to thank god for food, a roof and everything i have left. For those who happen to come past this post or read my blog, i may or may not know you, please pray for my mother hormone imbalance or what every issues that she has to be healed. Amen. up till now, the anger still remains, why was i the one who was abused and until today am still tortured indirectly. why, what is god's plan for me? someone once said that i would be a very powerful evangelist, is it god's plan to make me suffer so that i can tell the world my experiences to convince them etc? or what? i finally understand what my dad and mum always say, "lincoln and leon always piss of dad to the point where he cant sleep and is so angry and immune system and everything shut down." i finally know it, massively pissed. really really pissed, i cant seem to clam down after so many hours, not like me, after a nite's sleep all's usually forgotten...... listen... LISTEN WHAT?????? WOOF WOOF!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT WHAT WHAT!!!!!!!!!!??????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????????????????? FUCK LAR! AM FUCKING PISSED. WAY TOO PISSED TO MAKE ANY MORE SENSE TODAY. HOW THE FUCK TO DO MY ASSIGNMENT>? SPAM THE PAGE WITH MORE EMO CRAP AND VULGARITIES>?>???????????>??>>!!!! LISTEN ...... BO TIAH WEI...... LISTEN WHAT!@!!! WHAT LAR WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
brakes applied at |2/17/2009 09:37:00 PM|
