:FAITH:

So much has been going on lately, besides the usual hanging out, eating and trying to raise oil prices by using up as much as possible (high demand), other things have been going on as well. Mixed emotions, thoughts are all running through, one by one, letting me identify and explore each and every one of them through different situations, experiences and sometimes even awkward moments.

Looking back in life on the things i've done and on the things i've left undone. The decisions i made, the paths i chose.. All seems justified, feelings played an important role in many of these decisions..

Skills that were obtained by lessons, skills that were obtained through experiences. Mistakes were made along the way. Some minor yet some grave. Some patched up so perfectly, some left behind with a huge scar. Scars that mark my past, yet some that challenges my future.

Knowledge. Given unto me, searched by me. Knowledge is the one that kills. It takes away lives as easily and quickly as how life comes about. Knowledge resides in the brain, taps feelings from the heart, then kills with the body. How does one stop this never-ending cycle?

Courage, boldness, what have you?

Fear. Fear is a feeling. It comes straight from the heart. Fear can take control over your body, making you do things you never thought possible. Fear helps one advance sometimes, once in a while, but prolonged fear damages the brain and the body, leading to breakdowns.

Time. Just a second makes such a big difference. Stop and think for just that one second before acting and the end result might be totally different.

Life is given unto us, life will be taken back from us. Life can be what we chose it to be, or it could just be what it was supposed to be.

Concentration of the mind at 100% is a beautiful thing which produces marvelous results. 2 heads are better than 1, agreed. When you try to concentrate on something so hard and nothing seems to be working, don't give up just yet.

Love. The things you do for love.."

UNQUOTE.

wow..... young and thinking about death? what happened to nissan?

anyway, i guess my take on life is that one should do what he or she likes... freedom to do, choose and not be contained and controlled in anyway. Yes to a certain point where it crosses the limit, one should be stopped by someone.

Looking back in life.... there's alot of crazy stuff i did, never realli regretted, its me....whats the use of regretting, everything is done... enjoy and learn from all the mistakes.

knowledge hurts the heart.... its true.... the more u know the more u fear. Now, fear is another whole issue which is going to start a long blog post and i aint going to go about it, but fear is sometimes needed in life. fear helps stop all the crazy things going on. fear helps me to cool down. fear brings me 100% concentration.

Time. i want time to be on my side, but unfortunately like the rest of the world, time waits for no men. so make the best out of it. Yet at times, i wish time just fast forward... i want it to forward 1 year from now. hopefully things will be better. or maybe as fast as possible.... quater life crisis. where has all my loved ones go? i cant even tell anyone how rotten i feel inside. how stress and worried i am. how fearful i am. My wings are clipped. Freedom destroyed. i got so much anger inside. i tried praying.... apprently praying in the toilet doesnt work. maybe it does at church. ok back to time... yeah, i wish time was on my side... more days in a week to do the things i wanna do. i wanna go back to martial arts... maybe light ones for interest and not to lose weight.... i wanna cycle cuz i like cycling and jog cuz it takes things off my mind not to lose weight. but i no longer have any kaki and time to do all these. Time management?
24 hrs... 9 hrs wrk, 4 hrs sch, sometimes week end got sch other days too tired.... 7 hrs or less of slp..... why is it that there are people out there who have all the time in the world and all the money to support their activities? isnt it unfair? yet there are people who DONT! even have food to eat!!!!

in short.. life's unfair... people say u make what u want out of your life. HOW? i would loved to. Eat when ever, work when ever, study when ever, no dead lines, game when ever, say what you wanna say, do stupid things and dont get interrogated, blog freely with no body commenting and reporting and gossiping, watch tv.... wow, i love tv, but havent watched it in years.... anime, also no time to watch, half hour episodes... biking... never , jogging, never.... luckily weekends still got a bit of time to catch movies etc.

Sleep is important, thats what parents and doctors say... i agree.... it takes everything away. u don feel stressed or angry or anything when u sleep( presumably there's no nightmares or dreams). you don feel anything, ur body and mind gets to recover, thats the best escape and yet it helps to recharge you for the next day of life.... somehow, i can sleep like 10 hours and it doesnt seem to help recover... muscles still aches, still tired after that... could be a diet issue. yet sleeping feels good, and maybe it can be considered an escape out of reality made by god, where it is fair, everyone gets to sleep and during that few hours of sleep, one relaxes and is carefree.... freedom of the mind is something most people have...

BTW, my new favourite song.... freedom (akon, the black lonely guy)